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28 January 2011 @ 12:52 am
Why didn't anyone tell me how awesome Tumblr is?!
06 January 2011 @ 04:55 pm
I know I haven't posted in forever, but I couldn't resist this one.

01. Who is your favorite character from the original trilogy?
Princess Leia, of course. The most bad ass princess in the galaxy.

02.How would you rank the original trilogy, in order from favorite to least favorite?
1. Empire Strikes Back
2. Return of the Jedi
3. A New Hope

03. What are two of your favorite action scenes from the original trilogy?
1. Destruction of Jabba on Tatooine (Jedi)
2. Chase through the asteroids in Empire

04. What do you consider the most emotional scene from the original trilogy?
The scene in Empire when Han is being frozen in carbonite...I can watch that over and over

05. Do you have any favorite toys or collectibles based off the original trilogy?
I know I still have some Ewok action figures from back in the day; I also have a Yoda shirt that I came home from the hospital in which is pretty awesome.

06. Which character had the most unsatisfying death in the original trilogy?
none really comes to mind, actually

What’s your favorite ship or vehicle from the original trilogy?
The Falcon...duh

Who is your favorite character from the prequel trilogy?
Qui-Gon or Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson, people...he's bad ass)

How would you rank the prequel trilogy, in order from favorite to least favorite?
1. Revenge of the Sith
2. The Phantom Menace
3. Attack of the Clones

10. What are two of your favorite action scenes from the prequel trilogy?
1. Pod race
2. Qui-Gon and Obi-Won vs Darth Maul

11. What do you consider the most emotional scene from the prequel trilogy?
No idea...maybe young Anakin leaving his mother

12. Do you have any favorite toys or collectibles based off the prequel trilogy?
I have almost all of the Pepsi cans that were released with the characters on them

13. Which character had the most unsatisfying death in the prequel trilogy?
couldn't say...haven't seen them enough

14. What’s your favorite ship or vehicle from the prequel trilogy?
Anakin's pod, I guess

15. If you could get a personalized Star Wars themed license plate for your car, what would it say?

16. Do you have a favorite Star Wars based video game?
I enjoy watching Lego Star Wars

17. Have you read any of the Star Wars books (expanded universe), and if so, what are your favorites?
I've only read Courtship of Princess Leia and Tatooine Ghost, but I liked them both

18. Are you a fan of the “Clone Wars” cartoon series?
Never seen it

19. What (or who) do you hope to see in upcoming Star Wars TV series?
Is there a tv show coming up? I'd like to see me on it!

20. If you were stranded on a desert island with one Star Wars character, who would you want it to be and why?
I'm gonna go with Han...and DUH.
07 October 2010 @ 12:15 am
I love my mother. I truly do, and very much so.

But if I have to hear her make one more noise, or whine one more time about some sore muscle she has, I fear I might stab her in the jaw.

Yes, her job is physically demanding, and yes, she has injured herself in ways that would induce pain. HOWEVER...if you have hurt yourself, go to the damn doctor. You have insurance, and maybe you won't be so sore.

Also, the fact that she has this physically demanding job is entirely her fault. She quit her fantastic, cushy job about 10 years ago (for vast and retarded reasons, all of which include my sperm donor) and is now in the situation (as most of us) of just having to deal with the job you have and be grateful to be employed. But, had she not been stupid, she could still have that job and not be in pain.

But to my point...every time she moves, she grunts and groans and it's really getting frustrating. Especially since I constantly have to be the one to rub her aching muscles. Just to sound like a completely horrible person...no one has ever returned that favor. Not when I worked two jobs in high school, and not when I was on my feet constantly with serving and bartending, and not for anything in between. Not even my mom, no matter how much I asked.

Seriously...it takes everything in me not to tell her to just shut the fuck up.

That is all.

Yes...I know I am a horrible person.
01 October 2010 @ 06:46 pm
Just a random thought, but damn it I miss Carby! ER used to be such an awesome show--up and down moments, but I think Maura Tierney brought a new something when she joined in season 6...Noah Wyle was always good to watch. But I still get mad when I think about what those effing writers did to the Carter/Abby relationship. Seriously? Why build it up for 2 years, then stick it in front of the firing squad. Very poorly handled. Grr. I just rewatched season 6 of ER (starting at Abby Road) up through Foreign Affairs in season 9. I haven't been able to watch the last two eps of the season because I'll just get upset. Hell, it's been affecting me for days. I watch an ep that's all angsty and not cool, then I walk around all day feeling sad and irritable. Not a good correlation.

Anyway, I've decided to take matters into my own hands. The Carby storyline will play out as it should. Don't know if there's anyone left who cares about Carby, but Carby justice will prevail. Join me in my revelry, won't you?
25 August 2010 @ 11:36 pm
I'm so over trying so hard to be a friend to people who clearly have no interest in returning the favor. Done. It's too hard to put forth the effort only to have it bitch-slapped back in my face.

I've been trying for years--YEARS--to simply just be a friend to someone, but because I won't coddle her and won't let her use other people in her life as an excuse, that means I'm not a good friend, that I'm not "there" for her. Whatever. Sometimes someone has to be the voice of reality, someone has to say it's not some other person's fault, it's YOUR fault and just own up to it. Be an adult and accept it.

16 July 2010 @ 06:43 am
It's 5:30 in the morning and I can't sleep.

My brain is running in circles and I can't focus on anything long enough to nod off, and now it seems kind of pointless.

I know people like to blame their parents for their troubles in life, but I think is something I can legitimately push off on them and say that they're at fault.

Strange memory to have but...I was 15 and said something about I wasn't able to sleep--don't remember how that part went exactly, but my darling father, in his always super-supportive way, went off on me about it and said, "You've been pulling this shit since you were five years old and I've had it!" Nice, no? Regardless....um....if your kid at FIVE YEARS OLD had trouble sleeping, perhaps she wasn't "pulling this shit" and had some sort of sleeping issue. Maybe? Perhaps? If I was 5 and couldn't get my brain to shut down enough for me to fall asleep, then maybe it was something that should've been looked into. Clearly, there was something going on that was causing me to have troubles. I'm assuming that I was sensitive to my parents' never ending marital woes and was always edgy about their fights. Don't know; don't remember.

Anyway, I still have trouble sleeping and can't always relax enough to drift off. And seriously, a million different things are going on in my head right now and I can't blame just one for my issues at the moment, but there's one thing that's been eating away at me for a while now and I'm going to get it off my chest.

And I'm not going to do a cut...I've decided I don't believe in them for my journal. It's my JOURNAL. If you're my friend, clearly you have an interest in reading what I have to say. And if you don't feel like it, it's fine to skip it.

I'm still upset about my birthday. Anyone who knows me knows that my birthdays are always crap. Mommy dearest says it's because I expect them to be crap. Well, now I do because they are! Even a few years ago, when I planned a whole big thing for a bunch of us to go to King's Dominion, it still wound up being crappy (having your roommates leave you there, then trying to get you to believe they were justified in the leaving...yeah, it's not right). My mom's like, birthdays are just supposed to be your family and a couple of presents. Really? Because she seems to be the only one who feels that way. Seems that most people have friends to spend time with and do things with. Not me. People don't even bother remembering my damn birthday. Hell, it's five days after my mom's and my aunt & uncle (who live down the street) a) don't remember it and b) don't even say happy birthday once it has been drawn to their attention. Yeah, I find that hurtful. And even if the "birthdays are for families" thing could be considered true when you get older, it shouldn't be the case when you're a kid. When we were little (after my 9th and my sister's 8th), our parents decided that we weren't going to do birthday parties anymore, but instead we could do one cool thing and bring a friend along, so for my 10th, we went to a little local waterpark with my bf from 4th grade.

We never did it again after that. Not once. Instead, we spent the day with just the 4 of us. Now, I might be wrong on this, but isn't that kind of unfair to the kids? I mean, you don't have to go all out and have some big bash every year, but having a friend spend the night isn't completely out of the question. Hang on...forgot that I did have one more "birthday;" my 14th, we went to the Roller Skating rink with a friend of mine. But all of those milestone birthdays kind of just passed me by. My 13th birthday, my parents fault all day, even while we were in public (and it started because my mom apparently squished my father's burger--from McDonald's, because where else you go?--and he started griping at her right then). It's pretty humiliating to have your parents fight in public (not that that was the last time). And all we did was go to the mall in Raleigh and walk around. It wasn't like, we're going to a store and you can get something special, we just went to walk around. Then they had a screaming match when we got home. Never even apologize for being assholes on my birthday. Didn't even get to have the one day be about me; had to be about their shit. As memory serves, they did something very similar a month later for my sister's bday. My 16th birthday we went to McDonald's. That's it. End of story. I know that I wished I could've had a party or something, but since that wasn't an option, we somehow wound up at McDonald's. Happy Sweet Sixteen.

PS, insult to injury, my sister got a 16th bday party. Yeah. Imagine my shock when they started talking about this and planning this whole big event for my sister's 16th. Since my parents repeatedly said that birthdays were a family thing, I never thought that a party was an option. And really, it probably wouldn't have been for me. Seriously--in high school, it was like my sister could walk on water and I was just dog shit. But apparently, I made my unhappiness known, because at one point, my mother said that we had to "plan a graduation party" for me. Of course, me being me, I was like, too little too late. I don't want a pity party. And I didn't entirely want a grad party--mainly because I knew no one would come. Honestly, I wanted the 16th birthday party that was never an option for me.

My 21st birthday...yeah, spent with the family. Not out getting hammered with friends like any normal 21 year old. Nope; those lovely friends of mine made themselves completely unavailable that day so I had no one to celebrate it with and wound up going to bed early because I had nothing to do and no where to go.

People just find me unimportant. It just makes me crazy because I always remember everyone's birthdays, even without the aid of Facebook, so if nothing else, I'll send an email to say hi and happy day. The favor is never returned; people just forget me. My asshole ex-roommates "forgot" (I know it was on purpose, because it was the 4th birthday I'd had while living with them), even while actually speaking to me that day (and they went out of town that weekend, demanding that I feed their cats), but days later, after one of my coworkers found out that they'd "forgotten" my birthday and gave them hell about it, they sent me a text. A text. After I'd just seen them moments before as they were leaving and I was entering work. And they said that they hadn't forgotten. But the thing is, with Fatso (the female roomie), you weren't allowed to forget her birthday. And if I'd forgotten her or ignored her day, she would have told me to get my shit out of the house. But it was okay to ignore mine for no good reason.

Is June 22 so hard to remember? I wouldn't think so. Beginning of summer and all that. But I can think of 3 people who have called me their best friend who didn't even bother with a belated text message; one of whom is actually on LJ. And her birthday is just days after mine. As an added bonus, my sperm donor never bothered to even email me this year. Last year, he emailed a day late, which was probably 2 days late for him, since he's in Asia. He's an asshole and a jerk, but he's still supposed to acknowledge my existence. He's just a fucking child. Most likely, he ignored it just to get a rise out of me so I'd email him something nasty and then he could call me more names. 'Cause there are few things in life better than having a parent tell you you're an asshole. Good stuff.

So yeah, I'm still upset about all of this. But I can't even talk to my mom about these past hurts; I've tried, but whenever I bring it up, she gets irritated and acts like it pains her. How can I move past these things if I can't talk to the source (or at least one source) of this hurt? Is it so wrong that I want some big birthday bash? Or more than one? That I want friends to WANT to come out and celebrate with me? And I don't think that just because I don't have a boyfriend, someone else couldn't decide to do something for me.

My mom said something about how she and my sister were already talking about my 30th. Yeah, because THAT is the one I want to celebrate. I've been dreading turning 30 since I turned 20. Why would I want to celebrate that one? I know I sound like an ingrate, but christ on crutches...I think 30 is going to be the one I want to forget because I'm so hammered. And what kind of "party" is this supposed to be? Mom, sister, aunt, uncle, aunt, uncle, cousin by marriage? Gee, that sounds like a blast. Not exactly like people who come flocking from other places I've lived. And how could they? My 30th is going to be on a Wednesday. It's not even like I'd be able to actually celebrate it the way I want to because (supposing I actually have a job by that point) I'll have to work the next day.

And something else...just before my bday, whenever my mom brought it up, I would start crying and could only say that I hate my birthday. But at one point I said that I didn't feel that I was worth celebrating. My mom responded that I never feel that I'm worth celebrating. Okay...red flag maybe? If your child always feels she's worthless, and that no one should celebrate her existence, wouldn't you worry? Wouldn't you wonder why she always felt that way? Wouldn't it concern you a little? Wouldn't you want your child to feel worthwhile?

And now something to make me sound like an even more horrible person...she got me clothes. I HATE getting clothes. I hate the implications of her giving me clothes (she doesn't feel that I'm girly enough, so she buys me girly clothes that I never wear). I also hate the way I look in pretty much everything (jeans and a baggy shirt is pretty much my uniform; low self-esteem and being fat will do that to a person). And I know she could tell that I wasn't that enthused. I didn't want to sound ungrateful and I really tried to say thanks like I meant it but...the clothes she got me are still in the gift bag. She asks me what I want, I actually give her ideas and specifics for what I want and I get...clothes. A shirt that makes me look pregnant. If I'm going to have a shitty day, can't I at least get things that I want? I know I sound even more greedy and selfish, but genuinely, she knows how I feel about getting clothes. And she persists. I got a couple of shirts that I'll never wear. With no tags on them, so I can't even exchange them for something I'll feel more comfortable in (like a pup tent, perhaps). It's that one shot you have to get presents on a day that's only for you and you get...well, something she probably grabbed off the rack at work. It's not as if she didn't have an opportunity to go shopping (Hell, go to Walmart; it's the only thing in town and it's 24 hours); I don't demand that she come home right after work, nor does she have to spend her days off with me. I think it's more that she is trying to make me into something I'm not, and something I don't want to be...I don't like getting clothes. That doesn't make me horrible. And she knows it. But she still buys me clothes because one day "she'll make me a girl." It does kind of send the message that I'm not good enough as is; I need to be something more.

So, that's my birthday rant. I don't feel much better. It's now 6:40 in the morning. I wonder if my mother will be at all sympathetic that I was unable to sleep, or if she'll just be nasty (she's not often nasty, but she definitely has her moments). She has no trouble drifting of to sleep. Within seconds of closing her eyes, she can be snoring. I can't do that. I don't think she understands.

And for my next rant...the prom dress/bridesmaid debacle.
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
08 July 2010 @ 05:40 pm
Day 30 -- Saddest Character Death

I don't know why they chose to end this meme on such a downer, but this one wasn't too hard.

PS...this is definitely a spoiler so I'll give some space...

Buffy's mom from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Now, I've only seen it once--though I'm coming up on it in my rewatch--but it was pretty horrible. I remember the episode "I Was Made To Love You" ended with Buffy finding her mom unconscious on the couch. Then "The Body" was next and it was all about Joyce's death and everyone dealing with it, and I remember that it just made me so effing sad. It was just so blunt and unexpected. And when Anya went on her diatribe about how she didn't understand what was happening and how it didn't make sense...oy. Yeah, the whole thing was just kind of horrible, and I don't remember any other TV death affecting me this way.

Anyway, I finished it! And I did it in 30 days! I feel kind of accomplished :)
07 July 2010 @ 03:54 pm
Day 29 -- Current TV Obsession

I couldn't say as I really have one at the moment. Though summer is usually harder for me to find tv obsessions. I just rewatched all of Smallville and that didn't reel me in the way it has; nor did Friends, Sex & The City, Lois & Clark, Newsradio, or SVU. Big Brother stars tonight, so maybe that'll hook me, but since they never even called me for a second audition, I'm bitter. Eh.

Oh well.

Hey, I have a question...has anyone actually finished this meme? I tried looking for others doing this meme and I couldn't find any who'd either finished it or were working on it consistently. Am I not looking properly? Or am I alone on this one?

It's kinda cool that I'm a day away from finishing :)
06 July 2010 @ 06:12 pm
Day 28 -- First TV Show Obsession

This one is very close--only a few months apart, actually, but it was definitely Voyager.

I was forced into watching Parallax, voluntarily watched it again immediately after and I was hooked. Immediately, whenever possible, I collected any magazine or article that pertained to Voyager in any fashion and kept them in my ghetto, makeshift scrapbook...which I still have. Yeah, I definitely fell hard and fast.

The second obsession that began mere months after this? X-Files, of course. I was scary with that one, too.
05 July 2010 @ 05:18 pm
I came across this one and it seemed right up my alley. However, I don't think I'll start it until August. Seeing as how I'm in a wedding at the end of the month, I think I'll get just a touch behind with it. But, I wanted to post it so that I'll be able to keep it in mind.

Day 1: Favorite season.
Day 2: Least favorite season.
Day 3: Favorite X-Files film scene.
Day 4: Favorite Monster of the Week.
Day 5: Least favorite Monster of the Week.
Day 6: Most heartbreaking scene.
Day 7: Happiest scene.
Day 8: Funniest scene.
Day 9: Favorite Mulder/Scully phone conversation.
Day 10: Favorite episode.
Day 11: Least favorite episode.
Day 12: Favorite character.
Day 13: Least favorite character.
Day 14: Favorite Mulder/Scully moment.
Day 15: Episode you’ve seen the most times.
Day 16: The first episode you ever saw.
Day 17: Favorite quote.
Day 18: Favorite mytharc or reoccurring storyline.
Day 19: Favorite prologue/epilogue.
Day 20: Favorite title for an episode.
Day 21: Most favorite scene, EVER.
Day 22: Favorite Lone Gunmen moment.
Day 23: Favorite Skinner moment.
Day 24: Favorite kiss.
Day 25: Scariest episode.
Day 26: Grossest episode.
Day 27: An episode you hate but everyone else loves.
Day 28: An episode you hated at first, but now love.
Day 29: Most brilliant episode concept/storyline.
Day 30: Your most inspirational “I Want To Believe” moment, or your personal defining moment as an X-Phile.